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Oldies but goodies

1) A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."

The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot! Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?"

The man answers, "Three reasons:

I like to watch my money grow,

I like to play with my money,

And next time my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks she won't have to leave the house!"

2) There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."

John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.

As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.

Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."

The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"

John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"

The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day.