Mar 10, 08 09:34 am — I just took the most amazing shit ever. The log was so hard and so large that it got stuck half way. I was pushing so hard trying to get it out that a little bit of semen dripped out of my penis; I suppose the fecal mass was so big that it was pressing up against my prostate. After pushing in much pain for about 10 minutes, I decided to take drastic measures. I got some toilet paper, rolled it around my right hand, reached under myself, and grabbed the log. After a very light tug (amazingly the log did not fall apart-- very well constructed), it started coming out naturally. When I looked in the bowl, I was horrified. It didn't even look like a log; it was just a green mass of undigested nuts and rock-hard feces. It looked like 100 rocks were mortared together in this ball of a mass. I've never seen anything like it. It resembled a baseball more than a log.
After I shat the log out, I bled for a minute or so. My ass still stings as I write this. I think I need to see a doctor about my constipation problem. I'm sure a hemorrhoid will result from this.
My advice?
Slow down and chew those pistachios.
And get more of the RIGHT fiber.
100% whole wheat bread, maybe some eggplant, bran. Insoluble fiber helps clean you right out.
Soluble fiber like potatoes can work like cement.
Also make sure you aren't cutting too much fats out of your diet.
And should that fail, inc ase of emergency, I have bene told by those who like coffee that dunkin donuts coffee will loosen it all up, lie it or not.
How about getting some fiber in your diet?
Or at least some fiber in a pill (FiberCon)
I thought I was getting enough fiber. I might go to the drug store and get some fibercon today.
WTF were you thinking when you started this blog?
WTF?
poop!
Less/more anal sex, both pitching and catching.
great story.
maybe try these things:
aloe vera juice - just drink the whole bottle, not just a couple teaspoons
dulcolax
mexican food
too many bratwurst.
You'd better hope you never have to pull a troll outta your ass. 
That's a shitty thing to have to do.
Why, OH, why did I not believe your title to be literal? Why for the sake of all that is holy, did I at least not condsider that it could be?
Furthermore, WHY did I read this just as I sat down to eat my lunch.
Drink more water
.. .. stop having sex with tree elves and be glad you didn't get any splinters from that log.
More information than I needed.
TheNationalist
Also, if any of you have medical training, any advice would be welcome on how to prevent this again.
EDIT: I should also note that I posted this elsewhere right after it happened, which explains how it is written. I thought I'd post here to get some advice (if any have it) and ridicule.
[Comment was edited by TheNationalist on March 10, 2008 at 09:36:56 AM]