May 09, 07 11:25 am — Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Scope kills 99% of bad breath causing bacteria on contact.
Chuck Norris kills 100% of what ever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
[Comment was edited by ZemRrushe on May 09, 2007 at 03:12:27 PM]
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
Chuck Norris' penis has a penis, and its bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris' penis is so small that when he has an orgasm the sperm
are released in a single file line.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and prance around like a homo.
Chuck Norris once ALMOST finished an entire double-mocha frappuccino latte at Starbucks, but stopped when he started to feel "woozy."
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once hid his cornflakes in a safe because he heard a serial killer was on the loose.
Chuck Norris sperm are so big they dont resemble tad poles at all. They resemble bull frogs.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
Chuck Norris is such a man he once performed a roundhouse kick and reversed the rotational axis of the earth, pulling time and space into a single black hole, in which all Chuck Norris fans eagerly packed into in the hopes of going back in time to an earlier period when they actually had a chance of getting a girlfriend.
Wait a second here.....
You're posting ANTI-CHUCK-NORRIS-FACTS....FACTS!
Better not let Chuck catch you. Well, that wont matter. He'll catch you.
Chuck Norris clutches the hell out of his Coach bag.
And for some reason this one cracks me up~
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Chuck Norris was pissed off because you cant have sex with 25 gold coins.
::grin::
Its the Mario-Norris crossover that everyone has been waiting for!
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
Chuck Norris once tried to borrow my lipgloss, I said no. He cried like a bitch for 3 days.
b00m!
Chuck Norris knocks on Death's door.
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
ZUES_GOD
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.