Sep 06, 04 09:12 am — So my new wife an I visited her mother who happens to still house my wifes 30 something year old brother. I can not stand hear his babbling. He goes on and on about conspiracies and crack pot health tips. He always tries to get me into conversations about how sugar is a drug that the government puts out to keep us in line. Or how cancer can be stopped by drinking your own urine or some other weird shit like that. I swear his logic rivals that of Sir Bedevere in Monty Pythons FS The Holy grail Burn the witch scene) OH I forgot to add that he is a lumbering giant that has a temper that is always on edge. So never the less I have learned to sit there and not say a damn thing no matter how much I want to put the smack down and school him.
OK so where was I .. ahh yes his conspiracy theories. He told me how the world was hollow and that there is a super race that lives in the inner sphere of the planet. and that the center of this said sphere is a small sun that helps keep our Eco system warm. WTF where did he come up with this? To get out of the last conversation I had to SMS a buddy to call me so that I had a reason to step away. Does anyone else have a similar family member? I'm sure you do if you don't you are it.
Just troll him. Make up some complete bullshit and have him believe it is the truth for the rest of his life.
HELL NO I'm sure If I bring it up I will have to own up to it if he ever has any questions.
I can hear it now. " Hey man, so does the tin foil have to tight around your head to keep out the radio waves? Or can you make it a bit loose? My ears are getting itchy."
Then I will have to say "No man its the radio waves making your ears itch. "
Sounds like someone isn't taking their lithium.
I recommend you not crossbreed with this family as their bloodline is tainted with insanity.
Finally, some one else that has asinine wierdos for family members.
My mother in law is a god damned nit wit...no...wait...she is a god damned half wit.
She has the capacities of an 8 year old. She trys to act young, and act like my 27 year old wife. My mother in law has literally shoe horned her fat ass into size 6 pants, and then while gasping for breath amid popping stiches askes my wife "how she looks in a size 6 that she can wear now." Then all hell breaks loose when my wife plays the game and says "I wear a size 4 mom."
OH CHRIST!!!!
Needless to say I've not been shopping with my wife and her mom for nearly 2 years now, and after going to their house last night, I might not even visit them again.
The following is what I went through in a 15 minute period yesterday. I've left quite a bit out, as I'm kinda tired. But I'm sure you will all get the point.
Me and my wife are almost out of debt with the exception of our house. As soon as my wife secures her job, we plan on getting rid of the car and truck and house, getting some new digs in a nice neighborhood, and then outfitting ourselves with decent rydez.
My wife wants a BMW. Her mom immediately says... Oh..foriegn cars are junk. They don't even have a warranty with them. And the seats will fall out. And they leak oil. And uhm.....uhm.....uhm....uhm... mean while on her statistics screen it shows her CPU at 100% usage, but nothings moving....my mother in law is in what I call her blue screen stage. She is trying to think up more excuses but can't process information much faster than about 66hz...and most days her "TURBO" button is broken.
Then I mention how I"m done driving american trucks and that I'm getting a Toyota". Well, they are made here, but she has no idea. Yeah lady...they make every single vehicle in Japan and ship every fuckin one of them over here. Thats why I'll pay 3000 less for a new Tundra Double Door than I did for a 1/2 ton Chevy. Thats why the horsepower rating is more than a Chevy. Thats why it has a one ton hauling capacity ..... is because they make them all over there and them ship them here for free apparently.
Well, she starts in with the 'Oh those aren't very good:" I reply 'My dads is 2 years old and the only thing he does is change the oil at 6000 miles, which is still golden and not black, and he just put new tires on it"
Her reply "He must not drive it a whole lot then"
I reply "25,000 per year for our company"
Her reply 'Uhm...uhm... they don't come with a warranty"
I reply "I'm friends with a service manager at the Toyota dealership. I asked him how many engines, transmissions, and electrical components they replace in a year. He told me 1 transmission in a 95 or a 96 T-100 and a couple of engines in older cars"
Want to take a guess at how much I've taken in every new chevy I've owned? I've owned 6 my self since 95, and my dad has owned 7. Every single one has had either a transmission problem, an engine problem, or electrical. The one I'm driving now has had all three"
Her reply "Well, it gots lots of miles on it."
My reply "We had most of the work done before 20,000 miles, and the remainder at 40,000. The total bill on getting a new top end put in the engine that was ruined by a leaking manifold was over $4000. The new transmission that blew up was $3800. The new braking system that was put in it was just under $2500...and before you say we've abused the truck....we have NEVER towed anything with it. We use it to pick up less than 500 lbs at a time, maybe once per month."
Her reply "uhm....uhm....uhm..." (smoke is rolling out of her ears now....drool starting to puddle....I'm waiting for her to piss her pants and have a seizure)
so to make a long story longer, I'm going to avoid any verbal contact with my mother in law for the remainder of my life. I'm really surprised she hasn't become a Darwin Award Winner, or that my father in law hasn't smothered her in her sleep.
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives.
Yea, but would you hit it?
My mother in law?? OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!
It'd be like having sex with a Hefty bag full of meat and mashed potatoes.
[Comment was edited by Jizzmasterzero on September 06, 2004 at 05:33:46 PM]
Warm mashed potatoes or cold mashed potatoes?
I should call her and suggest she move in.
warm.
I don't even want to get started on the trips to Vegas where her parents took us, and then we all ended up with the joining rooms...Thats about as close to moving in as I will ever get with the woman...
If I though more people were interested in my stories, I'd me more than willing to share however.
It sounds to me as though your new bro-in-law just doesn't run on all eight cylinders. I hardly think that's reason to humiliate or hurt him. Your new in-laws have handled him for 30 years. You can't handle him for 30 minutes without bitching about it?!? Grow up!
How come you're so rude?
I think my last line in the journal hit a little too close to home.
I see two possibilities here.
1) Your bro-in-law is seriously mentally ill. If that is the case, you do NOT want to get the old boy upset or work yourself into his delusions. He need seriously medical attention, which is available thru medical insurance if he has it or thru the county if he doesn't. Either way, he needs it. Lithium may not be enough for this guy.
2) Your bro-in-law if faking a serious mental illness, either to avoid work, or just for the hell of it. The hollow world story sounds like a classic Star Trek episode, which he may have borrowed due to lack of imagination to help fake his way through life as a nutcase. If this is the case, it would be even worse to try to challenge the guy, since he has bet everything on the "I'm crazy as a bedbug" dodge, and will react with a vengence if you call him out on his gig.
Either way, it may be a good idea to keep your distance.
re: "the world was hollow and that there is a super race that lives in the inner sphere of the planet"
Don't all of you guys know that this is all true ! He left out the part that down in the center of the earth there is a small community of geeks who spend half their time insulting each other on TV's that are all connected with a big long wire. Oops, I forgot, that was what they say about us on the outside of the planet !
So you've seen them too?!
My TV lies to me.
I keep telling it to stop, but it insists on lying.....
I will have to kill it.
Long live Moleman, ruler of the innerverse!
AndyPandy
Living at home at 30 is a bad bad thing. So is watching too much X-files